Category: Humour

The Write Stuff

Posted on Posted in Humour, WritingTagged , 17 Comments

I found this at http://www.theadventuresofwembolina.wordpress.com and it made me laugh because I know you will all laugh at me!

If you want to give it a go here’s the plan:-

  1. What is your name?
  2. Blog URL?
  3. Write: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
  4. Favourite quote?
  5. Favourite song? (at the mome)
  6. Favourite band/musician/singer? (at the mome)
  7. Say anything you want
  8. Tag 3-5 bloggers

Let me know if you do this! Hurrah!!

and I’m tagging

http://ayearinmyshoes.wordpress.com/

http://2e0mca.wordpress.com/

http://smallhousebiggarden.wordpress.com/

 

January Small Stones # 30

Posted on Posted in A River of Stones, Humour, PoetryTagged , , , , 12 Comments

The penultimate stone

Now what shall it be?

I thought about mademoiselle  pussy cat

but she’s evading me

I twice walked past the hedge today

or where it used to be

it’s now a deep and flooded ditch

that makes my chest go tight

my very first stone of January

was the seed of old mans beard

now blown and vanished in the night

for you I snapped daffodowndillies

and graceful silver birch trees

I wrote of my own red nose

beckoning wide blue estuaries

baked Camembert for tea

I’ve dropped you down in India

shown you a rainbow with two ends

and I’ve swept away bad spirits

to make you smile my friends

so now there’s just tomorrow

and then what shall I do

maybe stick around for February

casting nuggets for you!

January Small Stone # 24

Posted on Posted in A River of Stones, Humour, January Small StonesTagged , , , , , 21 Comments

Do you remember the TV ad where the whole office stops, opens a can of diet coke, and sits back to watch the window cleaner at work? If you remember, then you may have just had an involuntary shudder. Well today my colleague and I had such an event, only it was a ginger nut break rather than a DC break!

There was a problem with the light over my desk so Estates were notified and an electrician, complete with a new fluorescent tube and a tool duly arrived. Oh my! Tall, black silky hair and with a Latin look, he stood beside me surveying the light fitting and much as I wanted to sit tight I was in his way, so I stood back with Viv and watched. He stretched upwards, revealing a sliver of taut, olive tummy and I had to grab a biscuit to stop myself looking silly with my slack jaw. He may have said a few words but I didn’t hear him, I was too busy planning how to ‘accidently’ trash the light to get him back tomorrow.

In My Dreams

Posted on Posted in Humour, WritingTagged , , , , , , 4 Comments

I turned into the campus this morning and slap bang in the middle of the forecourt of the Peninsula med school stood Gok Wan. I’d been expecting him since the last series and he hadn’t showed, but at last there stood this cute, quirkily dressed hero waiting to sort out my image for the new season. No cash management department for me today, Gok was going to whisk me away in the sleek yellow beast I’d just passed parked on Barrack Road.

It was going to be some serious shopping and he was just the man to help choose the very best colour, shape and style to fit my . . . ahem . . . curves to a treat, for every occasion for the next six months. Oh yes he could surely make me look stunning.

I hoped he would agree that purple is me, I love purple, it’s one of the things that makes winter tolerable – oh and magenta, deep red, sapphire blue and orange. All colours I don’t wear in summer but winters drawers on, and they’re a must have. Maybe he can find me some sexy knee high boots, Italian leather in black and purple with bags to match. A sharp black dress with some discreetly visible cleavage and heels, the shoes that is not the dress, and a wrap or something in silver silk? If he could teach me to layer my day clothes like other people seem to manage then that would be good, leggings, tunicy things and I’m sure he’ll like that I do scarves.

I suppose after shopping today I’ll get the full treatment tomorrow. Full spa session, facial, nails – I wouldn’t mind eyebrows and perhaps some of those eye lashes that can stay on for weeks. He may have to bring someone down from London for my hair, I quite fancy Splinters, and going a touch lighter, but I want to stay natural. Princesshay will be doing a fashion show so he’ll come back for that and I’ll have to have the treatment all over again. Last time I was on a catwalk I was about thirteen but it will come back to me I’m sure. Of course he’ll want to tie in my big ‘reveal’ with turning on the Christmas lights in November. They will probably use that big glass front on Next.  It will be gorgeous of course, with lots of VERY expensive satin and lace.

‘Are you waiting for me Gilly’?

‘Uh, what’? Oh hi I was just . . .

‘Ogling that Med student’? He looks like that Gok bloke doesn’t he’? Quite cute.’

‘Oh, uh does he? Maybe a little. Yes I saw your bus go up and thought I’d wait for you. Thank God it’s Friday, I need a lie – in.