Friday Fictioneers, On the Nose

Madison’s  challenge has this photo today http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/pathways/ joining in is fun, lots of great flash fiction to read. Here is mine.

woods

On the Nose

‘She has the scent already,’ the sow pulled Emil sharply right, nearly pulling him over.

‘Ouch, why can’t you stay on the path in the light?’Jean-Francois followed laughing, as the pig thrust her snout into the leaf mould, her tail corkscrewing frantically.

‘I can’t smell a thing, but I can see something black down there.’  The boys rummaged in beside her and didn’t hear the footsteps back on the path, but a resounding snort registered. They turned and faced the biggest wild boar ever.

‘It’s old Napoleon, he thinks these are his truffles . . . run for your life.’

100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups Week# 45

Julia’s little treat this week is the prompt ‘there’s a real buzz about this place’, as usual I’m a little off the wall but here goes.

A Chance to Dance

So many nationalities. I’m the only one from Pakistan. My friends back home have dared me. ‘Don’t travel all that way and do as you do at home’ said Jamila. ‘Taste the alcohol and come back and tell us about it, let your hair down’, from Rashida and Yasmin together. It’s my last night and I haven’t done anything radical, nothing that Ammi would be ashamed of, but there’s a real buzz about this place and I may never get another chance. This Niqab is coming off now; I’m going to dance with a man who can see my face.

There will be lots more entries to read over at http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week45/

Banana Spam Nuttiness

Spam is becoming really  funny these days. Not funny  that it exists of course, but the lengths they go with it. In my early days of blogging I didn’t get the spam protection thing, why would anyone want to send spam my  way? I would get the odd few spam comments, but not take any notice or even delete them, they just sat there. Then I read how some peoples comments ended up in the spam box for no reason, so I started to check and delete it all. The volume has gradually increased, I wonder why? Is it because I have lots of followers  now? What do they hope to gain?

Here is some recent stuff, have any of you received similar ones?                                               Spam comments on my post ‘pets’

My brother suggested I might like this website. He was totally right. This post actually made my day. You can not imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks! 

Very nice info and straight to the point. I don’t know if this is really the best place to ask but do you folks have any thoughts on where to get some professional writers? Thank you.

Received from ‘healthy banana nut muffins’

Comments on ‘Sunrise’

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You are a very smart individual!  Comment by ‘ banana nut muffins recipe’

I was recommended this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my problem. You are incredible! Thanks!  By a name that is unmentionable!

I would like to express some thanks to this writer for rescuing me from this type of crisis. After searching through the world wide web and getting techniques which are not productive, I believed my entire life was gone. Being alive devoid of the answers to the difficulties you have solved by means of this guide is a critical case, and ones which may have badly damaged my career if I had not noticed your site. That expertise and kindness in taking care of a lot of things was tremendous. I am not sure what I would have done if I had not discovered such a solution like this. I can at this point look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time very much for the expert and sensible help. I won’t be reluctant to refer the blog to any individual who needs and wants counselling about this area.  By ‘Banana nut muffins’ again.

Keep functioning , fantastic job! bananas again.

I’ll do my best to keep functioning! All the banana people are from different IP addresses, seriously weird. My blog isn’t about food, I’ve posted one recipe here and that was way back, so why the muffins? So far banana muffins account for around 20 comments. What type of spam do you get? Please tell! I’m off for a daily delete now.

100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups Week# 44

Once again it’s time for the 100 word challenge and this weeks theme is the passing of time – sixty years to be precise and a poem! If you would like to join in pop over to http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2012/05/28/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week44/

Stash Sixty

Sixty a time for six diamonds

uncut but too late for us

diamonds for a daughter

and a daughters daughter

celebrating sixty years

that have passed

Daughter may travel

on her diamonds and back

before we become dust

sixty a time for six diamonds

uncut but too late for us

Daughter’s daughter may plant

roots with her diamonds

a home across town from us

Daughter’s daughter will you

raise an empire

founded on a name

and legacy

of sixty years to trust

Sixty was a time for six diamonds

too late for them

but a future for daughters and sons

Inside Wedding Photography

I’m privileged to know a special guy who is a very creative and professional wedding photographer, so I thought I would have a chat to him to find out about what the work involves.

Steve, how long is a wedding day for the photographer and do you get well fed?

It tends to begin at about 9am and we stay until after the first dance. Food – ha no, once when someone ordered some sandwiches, but we sneak off with a packed lunch when the party eat. It can be a long day! The problem is that venues would charge as a wedding guest if they provided food for us, and that’s an extra burden for the couple.

How frustrating, I bet the food they have is amazing sometimes. What is it like working with the families?

Difficult because we have to find the right balance, we need to remain in authority without stepping on toes. Cheekiness can sometimes get results but they don’t usually listen, so occasionally you just have to shout.

It’s become a tradition for female photographers to be there while the bride gets ready and I know you have recently spent time with a groom and groomsmen before they left for the ceremony. I imagine that was fun?

It was strange, when it’s the girls it’s very special but with guys . . . well there’s nothing to prepare, they just get dressed, maybe fiddle with a tie and buttonhole but that’s it. First they sat around all morning watching footie on television, having a drink and winding each other up. They tend to be quite chilled in church but some panic and it’s my job to try to reassure them, I’m the only point of contact as everyone else is sitting down. Ideally we get some informal shots.

How do you cope when the bride is . . . shall we say . . . no oil painting? Are there ways to make her look good?

Hahaha, yes there are lots of techniques! Shoot from above if they are short – I’m tall! Never use direct flash, bounce it from the ceiling. Make the background really bright, overexposing reduces shadows and makes them look thinner. A shallow depth of field for close up portraits, ring flash will softens feature and. with the larger brides; say with back boobs, you have to look for the best angles. Never shoot profiles of a large nose; they won’t thank you for it.

Have you witnessed any arguments, the wedding fight?

Only families getting tetchy really, but that’s why I leave after the first dance – before they get drunk.

Have you had any really bad venues?

Yes, the back room of a pub decorated like a night club, with neon cocktail bar signs, led lights and lasers shining around a pitch black room. About 30 people, mainly grandparent’s age, and very, very loud club music. It was pretty difficult to get decent photos. Another time there was a hotel with threadbare carpets, buckets in the toilets where the roof leaked, really scabby inside, but nice outside.

Goodness that sounds like a nightmare, Church or civil ceremony, which is best?

Civil ceremonies are easier. Churches have better results but vicars can be difficult saying only one photo inside for instance. Civil ceremonies are good for close up shots, little details like the rings.

What has been your best ever venue?

Wickham church, followed by the Marriott in Meon valley, a stunning hotel and a perfect day.

Any really unusual places?

HMS Warrior, a Victorian battleship in Portsmouth harbour, it was Great Britain’s first iron clad warship. It was small, intimate, lovely.

Steve, do you ever get emotional at weddings?

Nah, apart from annoyance and that has to be hidden!

That must be tough, have you had any major disasters?

My camera stopped working once but I work with my sister and she had a spare.

Anything funny you can remember?

Loads of things yes. On one occasion the groom’s belt needed an extra hole, so his mum tried a skewer, which didn’t work. So then dad decided to use his electric drill – while the groom was wearing the belt!

Thanks Steve, it all sounds fascinating and fun but I don’t think I would have the patience even if the pay is good.

Ah but, what people don’t realise when they are planning the big day, is just how much work we have to do behind the scenes. Correspondence, checking the venue in advance when possible and lots of photo editing afterwards to create their dream albums. 

 

Friday Fictioneers, Beautiful and Grey

http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/ has a weekly challenge with a photo this time,

This is my 100 words, maybe you would like to pop across and join in?

‘Look, there’s a lovely green butterfly and an ugly grey moth’ Beth tugged on her grandmother’s sleeve and led her along the path.

‘I can’t see no ugly moth honey, only a pretty butterfly and a beautiful moth.’

‘It’s dull Grandma’

‘Look real close; see the lovely patterns and different shades of grey?’

‘Uh huh,’ Beth screwed up her eyes.

‘See honey, God made lots of creatures that are beautiful in different ways, green, red,  grey, in all shapes and sizes.’

‘Grandma, your hair is all sorts of pretty grey,’ she reached to feel a curl, ‘did God make it?’

 

 

100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups Week# 43

Pop over to Julia’s if you would like to try the weekly 100 word challenge http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week43/

The prompt this week is ‘The flame flickered before . . .’ and here are my 100 words,

A Cautionary Tale

‘The Flame Flickered Before Her Eyes and Other Stories’ by Randy Walton, ‘What? That’s weird Sal, look. I’m going in.’

‘It’s just a coincidence honey.’

‘But it looks like my photo as well.’

The bell above the door made the shopkeeper briefly raise his head from his own reading, then he tutted when Margi stood over him.

‘This book, it’s self published right?’

‘Yeah and it’s very successful, been at the top of the short fiction charts for weeks. Everyone’s reading short stuff these days.’

Margi turned to the contents page. Twelve short stories. Her short stories, all of them.

#Friday Fictioneers

I know it isn’t Friday now, I’ve been away so I’m late.

But, Madison’s  http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/photo-prompt-for-100-word-flash-fridayfictioneers-30/  photo kept popping into my head so I wrote this.

Going home is copacetic but the journey from my daughter lacks the joy of the one towards. In the bus someone plays a line from the carnival is over on a tinny echoing phone.

I recline and check the double deck view, a twin chakra of rainbows, moments from the M27 with its pylons and industrial units, on a bench that feels like bone on bone to my spine. Hawthorn next and cemetery birds in a corridor called Wellow.

Disgorge at Salisbury, grateful for a wait uninterrupted by a questioning Mancunian, grasping for minutiae from a trapped, hungover, hen party goer.

Puffins, Lottery Tickets and the Crazy Polish Woman

Lucid Gypsy and the Crazy Polish Woman went for a lunchtime stroll and as usual we tried to put the world to rights, quite a task in half an hour and we soon got bored with trying! We moved on to the lottery, her desire to win, combined with the impossibility of that, when she doesn’t buy a ticket. She has bought a little globe and wants to go to as many places as possible in the world. Nothing unusual about that is there? Except that when she wins, she will spend the first £5000 visiting Iceland. Again not particularly unusual, I wouldn’t mind myself as long as it was in midsummer. She has a mission though. Puffins. She loves them, and has come across a fact that I for one did not know.

So she wants to travel to Iceland to warn them to leave. Ideally she will speak to each of them individually. Of course we debated whether these conversations should be carried out in English, Polish or Squawk (something she does when she gets excited, angry or just plain Crazy). It has to be Squawk, I don’t think there are many Puffins in Poland – but will be happy to be proved wrong – and they tend to avoid people in England, choosing instead to hang around on Lundy or the Scilly’s.

Aside from getting close enough in Iceland to have a conversation with them, of course there is the problem of recognising which ones you have warned already. Unless you are a Puffin they all look pretty much the same. So if they aren’t prepared to leave immediately, then some sort of label would be needed. Perhaps the ones that CPW has enlightened can be persuaded to spread the word in Puffin speak, and then she may be able to see some geysers and glaciers, in the day long day with the left over money.

She really is very worried about them and a world without Puffins would of course be terrible. If you are a follower of some of the celebrity chefs, you may already know what her fears are. If not, well please stop reading if you are of a sensitive disposition. You see it’s because they are eaten. Icelanders consider raw Puffin heart to be a delicacy.

I am going to buy CPW a lottery ticket.

One Year and Twenty Five Thousand for Lucid Gypsy

A year ago today I very tentatively started a blog and Lucid Gypsy was born. I had no idea where we were taking each other and if anyone would visit, just a vague plan to write travel and short fiction. It was a very slow start; I had to learn the techy stuff and kept it very simple for the first few days. Then I kind of worked out how to post photos and published Nest of Primates my first travel piece, which I still think is one of my best posts, but hasn’t had that many reads. (Interestingly, I’ve wondered for ages how to change the words on a link and have finally done it – WordPress has forced me to learn!) I posted five times last May and then disappeared for a while to Turkey, returning with a head stuffed with stories and a couple thousand photos.

I was stumbling though with no clue what to write or how to be seen. A turning point came when I discovered the Weekly Photo Challenge and was able to indulge my other passion, photography. Finding out how to tag and categorise well, made all the difference and eventually in November I had more than a thousand views. You may wonder why it took me so long; instructions are there to be read of course. Trouble is I can’t do instructions books for anything. I try to read how, but don’t get it and have to muddle my way through.

Slowly a following came and I began to meet some interesting people around the world. Does anyone remember having a pen friend as a child? Usually one foisted on you by school? Well the blogosphere is like having hundreds of pen friends, a fascinating way of learning about other cultures, and seeing photos of places taken by real people in everyday places as well as the grand tourist destinations.

Being a Gemini and a writer I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and each time I look at someone’s blog I am transported to another person’s world, be it in the next county or a garden in the southern hemisphere. Lovely people I can’t thank you enough for your support, inspiration, laughter and tears.

At some point in the remaining four hours of today one of my five hundred plus followers will become the twenty five thousandth hit on Lucid Gypsy, how amazing that I should reach that number today!

Thank you so much.